From the beginning of our lives, one of our most basic goals is to "belong". We seek first to find our place within our families, and later, as our horizons expand, within a social group, society at large, and the world as a whole. We all want to find our place.
Having recently been welcomed into a small social group, I am again, as an adult, experiencing that search for my place. Like a child seeking identity within the structure of birth order, I search for what makes me special within the family of these friends.
I made salsa, but there is already a "good cook" member, as evidenced by the amazing mango tacos we had for desert. AND the Leader doesn't like cilantro, which she politely didn't tell me until weeks later.
I wrote a clever poem, then found out that the Pictionary Artist Guy is also the Clever Poet Guy.
Amazing Mango Taco guy also has a corner on sarcastic wit and orneriness bordering on mean.
There's a Funny Guy already too. I'm running out of skills and qualities.
I'm neither the youngest nor the oldest, nor even the "middle child".
I am cynical and have been called arrogant, but those aren't really marketable items when it comes to social niching.
I have the biggest butt in the group, but again, not promisingly noteworthy. And thanks to the last 50 pounds, I don't dance so well anymore either.
Am I to be relegated to the status of Expendable Ensign? Quietly contributing nothing, but enjoying the company of others until the time when I am subtly dropped from the group for lack of input? Politely laughing at the jokes of others and trying not to guess every picture in Pictionary? Not losing card games every time but never winning? Attending but not contributing, appearing but not belonging.
I just know I am going to be picked first for the next Away Mission.
I do have one thing I am good at. Really good at. Karaoke. But I haven't done that since I switched social groups from Bar-Hoppers to Church-Goers. I doubt there will be a group function after 9:00 in a bar with karaoke and a good sound system anytime soon.
And if there were, I'd probably find out that Artist/Poet Guy is also opera-trained and lead singer in a rock band...
2 comments:
You will NOT be picked for the next "Away" mission! Besides, I already know your place in the group. It is the stylish fashionista who always looks to me as though she just walked out of the Nordstrom's in Scottsdale, even though I know for a fact you didn't.
Love, Mary
All I can say is... never wear a red shirt. Those red-shirted crew men never make it back.
- Fearless Leader
ROFL-- I'm the "leader"?!? *chortling* That absolutely made my day... and wow! what a sweet label. D calls me "the boss" and "bossy" (long story there... needless to say it all spawned from a conversation I had with Shawn and Lou about me & D). So, I guess the shoe fits, and I'm wearing it!!
If anything, I feel like a bit of a misfit too. I think it's all a part of the human condition.
And for further, public clarification:
- Shawn rarely cooks for us (I think mango tacos was the first thing he's ever made for us, and I bet we can thank RaRa for that).
- RaChelle (aka RaRa) is so busy with work and her extended family (and dating Shawn) that she ends up with the role of resident saint (for dating Shawn).
- Jennifer is the resident baker (but one day I'll WOW! ya'll by baking something).
- Lou and Angie are so busy with their brood (3 each, 6 total) that we rarely get to see them.
- Jeana is still trying to figure out if she's with or without Robert... once she figures that out, I'll bet she'll be a force to reckon with.
- Kyle likes to retreat to the bat cave... the single scene isn't his thing, but somehow we grew on him (like a fungus?)
- Duryan... well he shows up cuz I tell him to. lol j/k
So, I say, let's go Karaoke at a bar sometime. We're not adverse to bars. I just run out of steam drumming up excitement for the group sometimes... a lesson I learned the hard way -- you can't suggest anything, you have to tell the group "hey, this is my idea for the weekend, join us or convince me to reschedule". If you suggest, you'll most likely die before you get a response.
And, as always, as fearless leader, you can propose an idea to me and I can boss everyone into attending (or at least beg them to come). :)
*hugs* love your blogs! love you!
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